EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT LOVE (SO FAR)
Me and my best friend Ciera :)
My review of Dolly Alderton’s memoir, “Everything I Know About Love”
To be completely frank, Valentine’s Day is not one of my favorite holidays, and I know I’m not the only one. As a kid it was fun because it meant we got free candy and maybe a silly peck on the cheek from your crush on the playground, but growing older and experiencing rough breakups, rejection, and loneliness kind of takes that whimsy away. A lot of people hate it because it feels overly commercialized, it puts pressure on couples to spend a lot of money on gifts, highlights the singleness of those not in a relationship, and can create unrealistic expectations about romantic gestures, which makes it feel like a forced celebration of love rather than a genuine expression of affection.
But lately, I’ve been thinking about love in a broader sense–not just the kind that gets celebrated with heart-shaped chocolates and overpriced bouquets from your significant other. I just finished the memoir of British journalist and author Dolly Alderton, titled Everything I Know About Love. Reading it reminded me that friendship, self-discovery, and even heartbreak are just as central to the way we define the word “love”.
The book follows Alderton’s life from childhood to her 30s as she navigates friendship, romantic relationships, mental and physical health, aging, and more. At first, Everything I Know About Love didn’t immediately draw me in, but as I continued reading, I became deeply invested in Alderton’s experiences and how she navigated the unpredictable challenges of life. We are all living this life for the very first time, so it intrigues me to see how others around me develop their own individual character, connect with their surroundings, and see this world differently from me.
Instead of following a strict chronological order like traditional memoirs, the book weaves together themed chapters, personal emails and essays, recipes, and reflections from different stages of her life. This unconventional format made me feel like I was there in those memories with her. The book explores the profound friendship between Dolly and her best friend, Farly. From childhood through adolescence, university, and adulthood, their bond remains a central theme throughout the story. Dolly and Farly’s connection is the foundation of her life, even as it evolves over time. A major turning point in their relationship comes when Farly enters a serious romantic relationship, causing an inevitable shift in their dynamic. One of the strongest aspects of the book is Dolly’s struggle to accept these changes. In the chapter Nothing Will Change, she reflects on how many friends in long-term relationships insist that their friendships will stay the same, only for reality to prove otherwise. She acknowledges the bittersweet truth that relationships naturally evolve, even when the love between friends remains strong.
As Dolly puts it: "Everything will change. The love we have for each other stays the same, but the format, the tone, the regularity, and the intimacy of our friendship will change forever."
This sentiment resonated deeply with me. Growing up and entering new life stages can feel unsettling, especially when relationships shift in ways we can’t control. However, Dolly’s reflections remind us that while change can be difficult, it’s also an essential part of life. Time and circumstances inevitably bring change. This can be particularly difficult when it comes to close friendships, where a sense of stability and familiarity feels comforting and safe. Whether it’s moving to a new city, starting a serious relationship, or simply growing into different versions of ourselves, these shifts can sometimes feel like a deep loss. However, Dolly’s reflections serve as a reminder that change doesn’t always mean an ending but instead an evolution.
Beyond friendship, the book also delves into the anxieties of aging, particularly from a female perspective. In chapters Tottenham Court Road and Ordering Shit Off Amazon, she recounts a friend’s emotional reaction to turning 30, a moment she didn’t fully understand at 21. Years later, when she reaches that milestone herself, she finally grasps the weight of her friend’s feelings. Despite having a fulfilling career, strong friendships, and a loving family, she still finds herself struggling with uncertainty and a lack of direction. As a current 21-year-old myself, reading this part of the book was a rude awakening because it forced me to confront my own fears about the future.
Right now, I’m at an age where the world feels wide open with endless possibilities, yet the pressure to make the “right” choices for my career and personal life is already looming over my head like a dark cloud. Seeing Dolly wrestle with these same anxieties a decade later made me realize that these worries don’t just vanish once you reach a certain stage in life. However, what I found reassuring was her ultimate message: uncertainty is universal, and no one has everything completely figured out, no matter how put-together they may seem.
In the chapter Homecoming, Dolly reflects on the lessons she’s learned from her female friendships as she prepares to live alone for the first time. Dolly says, "Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learned in my long-term friendships with women."
I deeply connected with this quote because it highlights the depth and significance of female friendships, a topic that is often overlooked or diminished in popular media. A while ago, my brother commented that I didn’t have many guy friends, therefore, that was the reason I was “single and uncool”. While that may be true (not the “uncool” part though, that is total blasphemy), it’s nothing against the guy friends that I currently have. I’m just particularly lucky in the female friend department because the girlfriends I have in my life have a unique and deeply compassionate way of supporting and caring for not just me but also for one another, and I think that Dolly captures that bond perfectly. It’s the beauty of girlhood.
Dolly doesn’t try to preach about what it means to be a woman, she simply shares her experiences as they are. Her honesty makes her memoir feel deeply personal, almost like listening to a friend recount the highs and lows of growing up. What’s admirable is that she doesn’t position herself as a flawless guide to life; she is simply herself, unfiltered and vulnerable, something that I aspire to live by. Yet, that dedication to truth is what makes her writing so captivating to me.
This book is a celebration of all forms of love, the kind found in friendships, family, and the people who show up when it matters most. Everything I Know About Love broadened my understanding of love beyond just the romantic kind that Valentine's Day commercializes. The book reminds you that love isn’t confined to grand romantic gestures; it exists in friendships, self-discovery, and the evolving relationships we navigate throughout life. It reassures you that being single doesn’t mean being unloved and reminds those in relationships not to lose sight of the other meaningful connections in their lives.
So this Valentine’s Day, I recommend reading Everything I Know About Love because, by the time you turn the last page, you’ll likely feel the urge to reach out to your closest friends and loved ones, just to remind them how much they mean to you, and that’s a love that is worth celebrating every day.
