I’M JUST A GIRL
Me and some of my favorite women :) (From left to right: mema, nana, me, mom)
Reflections on Womanhood and Emotional Discovery through music
Womanhood is a shared journey that may often go unappreciated but is always, always worth it in the end. I truly do love being a woman. But sometimes in this brutal world that we live in, trying to be taken seriously as a woman is the equivalent of Sisyphus pushing that boulder up the top of that mountain. Since the dawn of time, women have been forced to fight for recognition, struggling to prove their worth in societies that often diminish, dismiss, or exploit them.
I’m not going to sugarcoat or go into extreme detail about my feelings about it (I’ve decided to choose peace), but since the results of the recent presidential election came out, the current state of our country has been in a total uproar. At this point, what’s new? Generations of women have carried the weight of expectations and judgment, often told that their voices are secondary or that their worth depends on their appearance, behavior, or their willingness to sacrifice. We are taught to be agreeable, pleasant, and "ladylike," often at the cost of our own authenticity and power.
Yet, despite the obstacles, women have found ways to resist, to rise, and to redefine themselves on their own terms. Watching Kamala Harris become the first female and African American Vice President of the United States was an unforgettable example that women are capable of anything. This resilience is woven into the fabric of womanhood—a strength born out of centuries of pushing against barriers, shattering glass ceilings, and, sometimes, picking up the pieces.
Like many girls, I grew up surrounded by impossible expectations and stereotypes that shaped how I saw society, love, success, and myself. I absorbed the subtle messages in social media, movies, and stories that showed women as ideals or icons, not real people. As a young girl feeling insecure, I believed that fitting into these images, however painful, was worth it.
I realized how deeply this had affected me when, at just ten years old, I would be called “bossy” and “mean” by the boys in elementary school for wanting to be the pitcher during games of kickball. Instead of standing up for myself, I accepted it, as if it were no big deal.
Movies, television, and social media often undermined my sense of self-worth, making problematic characters seem glamorous. But listening to music was different. The women I listened to spoke honestly, often rejecting polished images and stereotypes. Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, Chappell Roan, Carly Simon, Tina Turner, Stevie Nicks–they didn’t care about being “nice,” and that authenticity showed me what it meant to be a real woman. These voices became more meaningful to me than the glamor of the big screen. They helped me break free from the disappointments I faced and continue to guide me today.
After going down a rabbit hole of TikToks and Tweets about the election, I found a blog post that inspired me. I stumbled upon Aïcha Martine’s blog when searching for songs to listen to that were specifically written about the power of women to help pick me back up on my feet after a rough night of watching the election polls pour in.
Martine is an African American artist, writer, cinephile, musician, knitter, cat lover, and habitual line stepper, according to her Instagram. Her blog piece, titled “A Coming of Age in 26 Songs: on Womanhood and Emotional Awakenings,” lists 26 songs that, in her beautiful words, are “the panorama of my coming-of-age.” I felt inspired to list out 10 of my favorite songs about womanhood and reflect on their meaning to remind me, and others out there who may relate, that hard times can be overcome, especially as a woman.
1. You’re So Vain by Carly Simon - “You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you”
Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” is more than a song about heartbreak; it’s a bold statement on the self-centered nature of a partner who represents the entitlement that women often face in a patriarchal world. In a society where women are often encouraged to be quiet, to serve, and to sacrifice, Simon’s defiant tone feels like an anthem of self-assertion. Her voice tells us that we don’t have to stay silent or put up with disrespect and that we have the right to reclaim our narrative.
2. The Man by Taylor Swift - “I’m so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man”
Taylor Swift’s “The Man” is an unapologetic critique of the double standards that women face in a world where gender biases often go unquestioned. She perfectly captures the frustration of working tirelessly only to see men achieve recognition and respect with far less effort. Listening to this song is so empowering for me, especially in times of self-doubt or frustration. It’s a reminder that hard work and resilience are worth it, even when it seems like the world doesn’t agree.
3. If I Were A Boy by Beyoncé - “If I were a boy, I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl”
Beyoncé’s “If I Were A Boy” is a powerful reflection on gender double standards and the emotional toll they take on women. Through the lyrics, she explores how life might be different if she had the freedom and privilege that men often experience. In a world that sometimes feels stacked against them, women still find ways to persevere, to love deeply, and to assert their own worth, pushing back against limiting narratives. This song is an anthem of resilience and a call for a world that truly values equality, showing that despite the hardships, there is strength in recognizing one’s worth and in the fight for fair treatment.
4. Gibson Girl by Ethel Cain - “This is what it’s like to be a woman…I’m a pretty thing, I’m a showpiece”
“Gibson Girl” by Ethel Cain is a haunting exploration of the pressures society places on women to conform to a specific mold, often at the expense of their own sense of self. Cain draws from the idealized image of the Gibson Girl—a symbol of beauty, poise, and allure that dominated early 20th-century culture. Cain confronts the objectification and expectations that come with growing up as a woman in a world that values appearances over authenticity. The song serves as a reminder to other women that even in moments when they feel like they are losing themselves, there is a way forward.
5. What Was I Made For? by Billie Eilish - “Think I forgot how to be happy, something I’m not, but something I can be”
Billie Eilish’s “What Was I Made For?” resonates deeply with me, as I sometimes tend to question my purpose and identity, especially within a society that often places limits on what women can aspire to be. The journey through womanhood can feel like a series of contradictions and pressures, and it’s easy to lose sight of our own dreams and desires along the way. But Billie’s quiet, reflective tone also suggests that these struggles are temporary. Her words remind us that we’re allowed to question and rediscover ourselves and that we don’t have to have everything figured out right away.
6. Special by SZA - “I wish I was special, I gave all my special away to a loser”
SZA’s song “Special” confronts the self-doubt and insecurity that can emerge in a world where women are often only valued for their appearance or how well they fit societal ideals. These lines reflect the exhaustion many women feel from trying to shape themselves according to expectations that, no matter how much they give, seem endless and unfulfilling. SZA reminds us of the journey to self-acceptance, where recognizing our own worth means shedding the need to please others.
7. Letter To My 13-Year-Old Self by Laufey - “I know that you feel loud, so different from the crowd of big blue eyes, and long blonde hair, and boys that stare”
"Letter to My 13-Year-Old Self" by Laufey is a tender reflection on the challenges and insecurities of adolescence. Her message to young women is clear: embrace your uniqueness, trust your path, and remember that growth is a process, one that often involves embracing who you are rather than conforming to who others want you to be. It's a beautiful tribute to the resilience that lives within every young woman.
8. The Woman I’m Supposed To Be by Tina Turner - “I can show you how it feels to be holdin' on to the woman I'm supposed to be”
This song is a reminder that even when life feels overwhelming or when we feel pulled in different directions by expectations, we have the power to redefine our own worth. “The Woman I’m Supposed To Be” is not just a reflection of overcoming hardship; it is an act of rebellion—rejecting society’s narrow definitions and embracing the fullness of our identities as women. It reminds us that, despite the obstacles, we are constantly evolving, stronger with each experience, and capable of becoming the woman we are meant to be.
9. Silver Springs by Stevie Nicks - “I’ll follow you down ‘til the sound of my voice will haunt you”
For me, this song resonates with the experience of being dismissed or overlooked in relationships, whether romantic, professional, or personal, and yet it carries a message of enduring strength. Nicks challenges this expectation by unapologetically expressing her sorrow and her strength in surviving it. She refuses to be forgotten. The emotional resilience within the song affirms that it’s okay to feel deeply, and even when others may try to overlook or minimize our worth, we will always carry our stories with us.
10. A Woman Left Lonely by Janis Joplin - “A woman left lonely will soon grow tired of waiting, she'll do crazy things, yeah, on lonely occasions”
Joplin’s mournful yet defiant voice speaks to the exhaustion of waiting for love that may never come or for recognition that is long overdue. But there’s an underlying message in the song—that women are not defined by these experiences of loss or abandonment. This song is a reminder that our worth is not defined by our relationships with others but by the strength we find within ourselves.
